Mr. Woo's Wonderful World of Wok

INGREDIENTS:

1 Bald Eagle
1 Roll of duct tape
4 Steel nails
1 Hammer
1 Waffle iron or sandwich maker
 

First, grab the wild bird by the feet and
hang him upside down. Swing him over
your head and smash its tiny head on
the counter. Then remove its tongue (for
good luck). Remove feathers by
wrapping the bird in duct tape - squeeze -
and pull. Rub salt on wounds to stop
bleeding. Nail eagles feet spread out on the
butcher block. Take hand and insert up the
ave's anus. Then, pull like a m*%^f#$!
Stuff with crackers, water chestnuts, and
chow mein noodles. Shove bird in waffle
iron and press down. Chop off wings and
head. MMMMMM TASTY!!!!